Wednesday, August 18, 2010

New Beginnings

I wanted to write a bit about my transformations within the past year.  I know I'm supposed to be going to sleep [about a half hour ago].

I became single last July and as much as it hurt it was something I had to do for myself.  The relationship was not healthy for me.  And now I am experiencing being single and an adult, which I'd never experienced having been in a relationship since the beginning of college until after graduation.

Forgive me if my blathering is depressing or a bit hard to follow, I spent today traveling from Illinois to Pennsylvania today and it is almost 2am.

Anyhow, back to my original subject.  It was something that allowed my self confidence [what tiny bit was still fluttering in my chest] to blossom.  I ran around and did things I wanted to do, after almost four years of doing mostly what he wanted to do.  I pursued interests I didn't feel I could pursue in the past.  I made new friends and flirted and almost dated.  I felt wanted, desirable, happy.  [I'm seeing a lot of I's in this post ad feeling a bit self centred but...I will ignore it, it is my blog of course]

So I attended pirate festivals and renaissance faires.  I got a job working on a pirate ship, then I made the decision to pursue something I'd always wanted to do, work at a renaissance faire.  I started to do 'research' and talk to people.  I never used to be able to just randomly talk to people.  I loosened up as well.  I became a bit more spontaneous.  I drove for a weekend with a friend to Gainesville for the faire and to ask around if anyone was hiring for the Tampa show which started in a couple weeks.  I bumped into Ande & Brian on SuperBowl Sunday and they needed a girl for Tampa.  "Are you comfortable showing your belly?"  Ande took me by surprise.  I've never worn bikinis, always one pieces or tankinis.  I stuttered but she saw potential in me and my new self confidence said maybe, I could try it.

Two weeks later saw me in a bellydance outfit showing off my belly and not once did I use my arms to cover it up!  That would never have happened at any other point in my life.  It was exhilarating and I was working at a renaissance faire, I was bouncing with excitement!  Then, day two of working for Ande she turns to me and asks if I want to go on the road, full-time.  My dream!  Acquiring a job in Tampa was research to see if going on the road was a viable option, if I could make enough money to survive, if I wanted to actually do it.  YES!  Yes!  And hells yes!  And now I find myself on the road and loving it so much more than I even thought I would.

In the past three weeks I've slept/lived in six different states, an average of two a week!  Connecticut, flew to Arizona, flew to New Jersey, drove to Illinois, drove to Wisconsin, drove to Pennsylvania.  October will see me in Texas, December in Louisiana then Florida, and even a guest appearance working at my alma mater in the Spring!  I am exhausted but oh so happy tonight!  <3

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